the house of cards
location:
university of wisconsin - milwaukee
course:
architectural design ii
instructor:
kyle talbott
date:
may 2023
playlist:
conservatory district courtyard
As you embark on this journey with me, I invite you to listen to the playlist above, which I carefully curated to accompany this tale. It is important to listen in chronological order. Each song’s location in the playlist has special meaning and corresponds to the story told within these pages. Thank you for reading and listening along to this story I cherish deeply.
with love,
painting of our hero (generated by DALL-E 2)
statue of our hero
01
the ruins
humble beginnings
start where you are
Like any story, we must start at the beginning, face to face with our hero. But this isn’t fiction. Our hero is nameless, seemingly ordinary, unremarkable in appearance…accolades. They are imperfect and messy. They are everyone. They are no one. Still, the story they have penned for themselves is remarkable and rare, but perhaps not for the reasons we have all come to expect...
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Like a house of cards, our hero’s reality is collapsing around them. They’ve tried so hard, surrendered themselves in order to craft this life, these relationships, this identity, but it still has fallen apart before their eyes. They have spent their lives desperately chasing external means of validation but are now wondering - “is this all there is?” Heartbroken, disillusioned, and alone, they find themselves pleading in the darkness, “I don’t even know where to start. Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart. I just want to love you…love you well. I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself.” *
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From the ether, words appear, illuminating the next steps out of the ruins of our hero’s life. “The way out is in.”
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*: “Two,” Atlas Enneagram, Sleeping at Last
hero's garden
“Embracing human frailty, fallibility, and heartbreaking aloneness is crucial for any person seeking to attain self-actualization and self-realization.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls
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“If your identity is based mostly on external factors, you will feel anxious about change that threatens your identity sources. You will try to keep the world around you frozen in place. If your identity is based on your personal qualities, abilities, and values, you can let parts of your world dissolve away without feeling threats to your existence. With a strong inner sense of who you are, you can easily adapt to and thrive in new environments.”
― Al Siebert, The Resiliency Advantage
comprehensive site view
one step forward
two steps back
Flailing the entire way down, our hero has fallen through the looking glass, descending into a vast chasm, the great unknown. Expecting a perfectly lit, manicured path on the other side of the mirror, they find themselves incredibly frustrated with what they are greeted with instead. “Give me specific directions on how to feel good. I’m not even close to kidding.” *
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They find themselves overwhelmed by the task before them, relying solely on their own compass to guide them forth. The internal landscape our hero must traverse had grown wild from negligence, and thick branches and foliage now obscure any path forward. Our hero hangs their head, feeling shame and remorse for how they abandoned this precious garden, the only one they were ever truly responsible for. “I was dreaming life away, all the while just going blind. Can’t see the forest for the trees behind the lids of my own eyes. No, I don’t need no help; I can sabotage me by myself.” *
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As they sit alone in the darkness, contemplating how to start, it becomes clear to our hero that a strategy is necessary. To move forward, they must take multiple steps backward, unpacking all the components of their existence to examine closely, determining which parts no longer serve them. Our hero must lighten their load and their grip.
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*: “Feel Good,” INSIDE (DELUXE), Bo Burnham; “Caught in the Middle,” After Laughter, Paramore
02
the compass
pull
push
slide
the method in the madness
striking a balance
The journey that lies ahead of our hero is slowly, painfully becoming clearer. They now understand they need to find a balance between external efforts to manifest the life they desire and internal efforts, tending to their internal landscape. Understanding that they are ultimately responsible for their house of cards falling apart, they take accountability and ownership, strategizing a better path forward. They set out to reassemble their playing cards into a new structure, devising three operations performed at each seam between the cards (i.e., the walls and roofs) - push, pull, and slide - to add rigor and stability to their efforts.
cladding detail
putting the house in order
good luck comes in threes
Our hero now understands that maintaining a balanced approach and upholding their precarious house of cards requires continually assessing their authentic desires and needs and making decisions that align with them. But what do they actually want with this one life? They begin pulling out each facet of the prism that is their internal landscape, holding it under a magnifying glass.
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Our hero determines that they want to be happy – to flourish in their internal and external landscapes. They want to feel nourished by both their internal and external environments. As they quickly discover, making these choices and tending to the garden of their life accordingly is difficult and messy. Making decisions that honor your sovereignty can lead to painful, emotional experiences for yourself and others.
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Still, they persist. To help them maintain this delicate balance, they organize their new house of cards into two tripartite systems. In section, the expansive conservatory network divides the two opposing parts of their life: their purpose and their personal life. This serves as a constant reminder of what is most important and warns against overindulging in either end of the spectrum. In plan, each dwelling is divided into three sections, Dormancy, Germination, and Maturation, that tend to our hero’s unique and ever-changing needs.
03
the journey
a stable foundation
embracing sovereignty
Ready to begin, our hero takes the first steps on their ascent. They loosen their grip on their external identity, embracing the flow of what is and what will be. Our hero drops the hold that expectations, whether self- or other-imposed, once had on their life. With each step forward, they remind themselves, “we were meant to live for so much more. Somewhere we live inside.” * To themselves they say, “I start again. Today this ends; I’m forgiving myself for what I’ve done. Put to rest what you thought of me while I clean this slate with the hands of uncertainty.” *
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*: “Meant to Live,” The Beautiful Letdown, Switchfoot; “What I’ve Done,” Minutes to Midnight, Linkin Park
courtyard view
dormancy
germination
maturation
a home to support my home
the external nourishing the internal
As our hero places each card back where it belongs, carefully using their new tools and knowledge to craft a more solid structure, they find great meaning in the dwelling units they are creating. Finding a home within themselves has manifested a deeper sense of gratitude and appreciation for their physical environment and all that it does to support their journey. A symbiotic relationship develops between this house of cards and our hero, each supporting and tending to the other.
In their quest for balance, our hero has divided these units into three sections that tend to specific needs. In Dormancy, our hero finds rest. In Germination, they find growth and nourishment. In Maturation, they embrace and pursue their authentic desires. Our hero now understands that each is equally important. To manifest the life they desire, they must not lose sight of one for the sake of the others.
business district courtyard
transverse section
conservatory interior
conservatory district courtyard
conservatory district courtyard
the fruits of labor
made manifest
After much time and effort, our hero is now feeling confident in their path. They still don’t know where they’re going, but that doesn’t matter anymore. They have found something far more valuable than a destination or an achievement – happiness in the present moment. Wholeness in themselves. As they continue along their path, there are still moments where they stumble, unsure of their footing; however, they now possess the tools to navigate these obstacles. Our hero sings to themselves in these moments, “give me love, and give me compassion, self-forgiveness. I’ll love you even if you can’t love me. Can’t you see your free?” *
Unbeknownst to our hero, all of the effort they’ve exerted; tears that they’ve cried; and pain that they’ve endured have not gone unnoticed. As they continue to follow the rise of their journey, the fruits of their labor come into view. Their house of cards is practically complete. The tools and drawings they used to guide the reconstruction pale in comparison to the magnificent sight before them. Their manifestations are falling into place, creating a reliable foundation with which to enter the next chapters of their story.
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*: “Angel,” Palomino, First Aid Kit
comprehensive site view
primary structural system diagram
ramp detail
ramp detail
longitudinal section
conservatory district courtyard
hero's garden
the end?
spoiler: not really
“What if who I hoped to be was always me? And the love I fought to feel was always free? Why has life become a plan to put some money in my hand when the love I really need is stupid cheap?” *
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In what has felt like both an instant and a lifetime, our hero has arrived. For ages, they didn’t know what it was they were fighting for. They didn’t understand what was waiting for them on the other side. Now, they see that the reward is their house of cards - the culmination of the lessons they’ve learnt, tools they’ve acquired, and the peace they’ve found within. No longer does our hero chase after goal posts to find they’ve been moved when they arrive. No longer is our hero’s house of cards swayed by the ever-present chaos in their external environment.
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Looking back at their journey thus far, they feel different yet even more the same than before. In honor of the self that they lost and the new self that they found, our hero engraves a reminder to themselves at the entrance of their house of cards. Even as they write new chapters in their story, they will always remember this: “Now I only want what’s real. Gold, silver, or bronze hold no value here. For the first time I see an image of my brokenness, utterly worthy of love. Maybe I’ve done enough.” *
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*: “Stupid Deep,” Glory Sound Prep, Jon Bellion; “Three,” Atlas Enneagram, Sleeping at Last
04
the arrival
business district
ground level plan
conservatory district
second level plan
residential district
third level plan
resources
Every path is different. Ultimately, we must each learn to use our own compass to navigate the twists and turns before us, learning to trust our inner knowing above all else. I offer these tools that I’ve acquired on my own journey as a token of my gratitude for you experiencing this story along with me.
“You have one choice: you can either be the best or you can be happy.”
― Brother Chân Pháp Hữu
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“It is important to measure ourselves at least once in life, undertake a personal odyssey that constructs a clarifying prism of our being.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls
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“Inner Architecture is the skill of crafting your soul into a place so real and so tangible that you step into this area every time you look into your own eyes and other people step into this place every time they encounter you. Each person is a place. It is not a matter of asking ‘what kind of person am I?’, rather, it is a matter of asking, ‘what place am I?’”
― C. JoyBell C.
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comprehensive site view